I know, I know! It’s been AGES! I’ve composed many blog posts in this noggin of mine over the past 15 months, but none of them ever materialized here. The “My Blog” icon in my bookmark bar was guiltily avoided until I almost deleted it altogether. I thought maybe I was giving it up. But I’m glad I didn’t…
Today I woke up frustrated. To be totally honest, this feeling has been pestering me for a while now. Why, you may ask? (I know I did.) There is nothing bad happening in my life. And aren’t I following my dreams? I’m on the cusp of finishing my L.L.M. I’ve a lovely new apartment with my Ruby dog and the man I love. I have amazing friends and family. Etc, etc. Of course, these things are not a recipe for life without frustration, but, nevertheless, for someone who spends as much time reading and writing about the tragedies and hardships of other people’s lives as I do, I know how GOOD I have it.
In an effort to make myself feel better, I listened to some melancholy songs. I read some silly articles. I stared at my computer screen like it was a Monday. Then, I opened a word document and started writing. And I realized that I had not written anything for myself in a long time.
It’s ironic, really, because I have spent this whole year focused on doing things for myself. It’s over 10 years since I first started thinking about moving to Europe and going to school here, and I finally did it. However, putting yourself first and following through on dreams doesn’t always mean it’s smooth sailing. It’s actually been a long road to today. As things have begun to fall into place and ambitions are realized, my emotions relating to it all have been a bit lagging. It’s hard to be away from the friends and family I’ve grown up with, even though the people in my daily life in Belgium are amazing as well. It’s difficult for me to not be able to talk to my dad about all the changes, and I sometimes wonder what he would think about my decisions. It’s all a little bittersweet right now, and I think I’ve been beating myself a bit up for feeling this way. Finally, it’s just realizing that sometimes when I decide to do something, I just dive right in and then deal with the consequences (good and bad) later, which ends up with me not always remembering to do the little things that keep me happy and sane on a daily basis.
Phew! SO! It’s New Year’s Eve! And it’s a little bit clichéd of course, but there’s no time like the present to get a fresh perspective. To do the little things that I always enjoy no matter where in the world I am. And to not just ride the wave of excitement of something new, but to live a little more mindfully and appreciate the new and the old together, with less frustration hopefully!
That means I’m saying au revoir 2013. Bonjour 2014! Popping some champagne! And I’m back here on this blog, with my little antidotes, opinions, musings, pictures, songs, sometimes being cheesy, etc…
Happy New Year from Brussels!!!!